Last week we explained the meaning of the word “autobiography,” and asked kids to write theirs. We also asked them to do a self-portrait or to send a photo so that we could see what they looked like.
Here’s what Joe sent us.
Joe’s autobiography is what I like to refer to as “comprehensive.” He covered the basic details of his origins, his major migrations throughout his six (rather eventful) years, his most important life events, and his favorite things. I feel like I know Joe. And from what I can tell, I really, really like him.
And here is Joe’s self-portrait.
Even though I’m a writer and it’s my job to come up with the right words to use at the right time, I’m having trouble coming up with words to describe how much I love Joe’s self-portrait. The ones that come to mind are “wonderful,” “amazing,” and “spectacular,” but none of them seems quite good enough to contain my enthusiasm for Joe’s drawing. It is, quite simply…[insert hyperbole here].
Here’s Tyler’s autobiography:
My name is Tyler Lin Nichols. I was born in California. I am five and a half. I go to College Park. That’s my school. I learn a lot of stuff. I started riding a bicycle when I was two years old. I skied a black diamond when I was 3. Papaya used to be my favorite food but now I like to eat pizza and pesto pasta.I was a stealth ninja for Halloween. When I grow up I want to be a scientist like the Green Goblin in Spiderman, but a good guy not a bad guy.
I’ve known Tyler for a while now, but I had no idea that he could ski a black diamond. The one time I tried it, I wound up strapped to a medical toboggan after crashing into a tree. I was whisked down the mountain by a snowmobile, taken to the hospital in an ambulance, and placed in a neck brace for six weeks. It was Christmas Eve, and my mom burned the turkey because she had to come get me at the hospital. But suddenly, this is turning into my autobiography instead. Sorry Tyler. I’m glad you want to be a good guy when you grow up.
And here is Tyler’s self-portrait. Please join me in noting what a handsome fellow he is.
Ian’s autobiography goes like this:
I was born in Ocean Pines Berlin Maryland. When I was 2 years old I moved to Boston Massachusetts where many interesting things happened. What? Like one time my brother Pooped in my Dads mouth while he was changing him. One time I was trampled by dogs. When I was almost 4 I moved to New York. I lived in the middle of the woods and everyday I got go into the woods and catch red spotted newts. I went to a school which was called Fields of Green. They had a goat and a sheep. One day the goat ate a kids pants.
One day at our house, we were eating spaghetti on the back porch. All of a sudden my brother said. Look mama a bear. My mom said get the food inside. Suddenly a second bear emerged from the woods. It was a bigger one and it was limping. Suddenly my mom said get the cat. My mom ran outside with two frying pans. She banged them together, scaring off the Bears. She got the cat inside and didn’t come out the rest of the day.
When I was six we moved to Maryland. I started to go to school at Sudlersville Elementary. When I was 7, I moved to Peters Corner Road. I continued to go to Sudlersville Elementary. Now I’m going to Sudlersville Middle school. I’m 10 years old in 5th grade.
It’s basically impossible to begin commentary on this autobiography by focusing on anything other than the poop-in-mouth incident. Having changed many diapers in my day without ever once getting poop in my mouth, I find myself wondering what unfortunate string of events led to this disastrous result. My mind is left craving detail. Ditto the dog trampling incident. Why? How? Where? And how many limbs were mangled or lost?
Thank goodness Ian’s story takes a positive turn with the newts and the sheep. I had started to get sad.
And then the incident with the bears. And the triumphant victory of Ian’s mom and the frying pans over the limping forces of nature! What drama! What excitement. I asked for an autobiography, and instead I got a thriller!
Who can know what adventures lie ahead for Ian. Perhaps he will be a superhero when he grows up.
And here is the life story of Spencer
Hello, my name is Spencer and I’m in 2nd grade at College Park Elementary School. I was born in Redwood City, California. I love adventures and traveling (because traveling is kind of like having lots of adventures… and because it’s fun!). My first plane ride was to Las Vegas when I was 2 months old. I have been to lots of places like Germany, Mexico, Canada, Copenhagen, Taiwan, and Tahoe.
I was just in New York City. I saw the Statue of Liberty. We went to Toys R’ Us. Inside Toys R’ Us was a big ferris wheel! We watched lots of shows like “The Lion King,” “Spiderman: Turn Off the Dark,” and “Stomp.” My favorite one was probably “The Lion King.” I love buying souvenirs and having fun. When we were watching “The Lion King,” we sneaked in cookies we got from a store called Schmakery’s. I got the Sch’mores (with marshmallows) and my mom got a maple cookie made out of bacon! But my favorite one was Peanut Butter Banana Crunch.
When I grow up, I want to be in the army because I want to save the country so everyone is safe. I also want to be in the army because I want to fly fighter jets and steer aircraft carriers and learn how to shoot a gun.
Holy crow! Spencer has been to more countries than I have fingers on my right hand. It’s lucky that I have two hands. I’m guessing that by the time he’s done traveling, I might have to use all the toes on my feet, too, and maybe even all the toes on Robbi’s feet, providing she’s willing to let me borrow them.
I am glad to know that Spencer’s mom is already teaching him important things like the thrill of sneaking snacks into theaters.
Here is Spencer’s self-portrait. He seems like just the sort of person I would want keeping me safe .
And here’s how Travis describes his life.
My name is Travis, and I was born in Salisbury MD. Then, I moved to ocean pines MD (which is across the bridge from ocean city) until I was 1. I moved to Massachusetts when I was 1 year old. It was the coldest place ever lived (other than the ice storm in New York).
1 year after that, when I was 2, we moved to Greenville, New York. My school was called “Fields of Green”. It was a Montessori school. We had a sheep there and his name was Bucky. One day, the school decided to have a play called “Pocahontas”. My part was a mouse.
One day my mom decided that she was going to move back to Maryland and the first place we looked was Chestertown. The first River I saw there was the Chester River. And then we found this house in Sudlersville that was open for rent. We decided to rent it until we found somewhere else. One winter day I looked out my window and I saw two feet of snow lying on the ground. It was called “snowmageddon.”
The day after snowmageddon, we looked in our basement and it was flooding, with swimming frogs and hopping toads.
A couple weeks later, my mom decided to move to a little house next to the town of Sudlersville with a very long driveway. It took us a couple days to move in. And that is where I live now.
Travis Stotts, 8 yrs.
I can confirm Travis’s claim that Massachusetts is cold. One day when I was walking from my dorm to my class in college, it was -17 degrees with the wind chill. I can also identify with have once dressed up as a mouse, since I was a mouse for Halloween when I was five.
Come to think of it, I live in Chestertown, too. And I was there for snowmageddon.
I wonder if, maybe…but it seems impossible…but possibly could be…I wonder if I am Travis?
Whew. I just noticed that Travis is 8. I am 38. Also, I do not have a very long driveway.
Here is a detailed description of the evolving life of Kato Swanson.
My name is Kato and I live in Chestertown. My brother and sister are Alden and Augie. I like to play with my plane toys. I like to eat honey butter toast. I’m a little bit afraid of the dark. I love Mama and Papa very much. My best friends are Gabby and Quinten and Alden. I want to be a pilot when I grow up.
From my perspective as Kato’s dad and housemate, all of what he reports above is true.
I will add that, on a recent field trip, Robbi had occasion to snap a photo of two hands, one belonging to Kato and the other to his “friend” Gabby.
The only “friend” of mine whose hand I hold with any regularity is Robbi, and she is a very good “friend,” if you know what I mean.
Also: I am delighted to be loved by Kato. It is truly one of the very best things about being me.
Here is Kato’s self-portrait.
Kato is the large figure in the center. Also included are Mama, Papa, Baba (my mom), and Gabby. Hmmm…
And finally, here is Alden’s story.
My name is Alden Elisabeth Swanson. I have short hair and it’s brown. I like myself. My friends are Mary Jane and Madeline and Lily and Liza and Jamison. That’s all my best friends. I know I slept in a little tiny cribby when I was a baby. I can climb the rope and I can climb the walls of the bathroom and I can touch the ceiling and I can also do tricks on the rope when I’m on top of the rope, like my feet trick. I hold onto the black rope and I hang my feet from the beam. The end.
For those of you who think it odd that Alden devote so much of her autobiography to talk or ropes, tricks, and climbing, I submit the following photographic evidence. The girl spends about 90 percent of her waking hours at home climbing this rope that hangs from a beam in our living room.
I could no sooner climb a rope than I could throw a motorcycle over the moon. And yet Alden does it easily.
And when she gets to the top, she touches her feet to the beam.
This, then, is Alden’s self-portrait.
She is my upside-down monkey, my brave little, strong little, amazing little girl.
Thanks to everyone for sending us your autobiographies and self-portraits. I’m sorry to say that there’s no auction for you this week. Though I’ll be willing to take any bids on Joe’s self-portraits on his behalf.
Check in tomorrow for the next drawing prompt!