Welcome to the Friday Mashup! Who is ready to mash? You probably know, but we’re not talking about the kind of mashing you do with potatoes. Not at all. This kind of mashing means putting all of the great stuff you’ve sent us all week long into one place so that we can see it all at once. I’m not sure why it’s the same word as what you do to potatoes. But there you go. Diving in, then…
On Saturday, we asked you “If you could design any kind of bike to do anything, what would it look like and what would you have it do?” Here’s what you had to say:
Matthew said:
“If I could design a bike to do anything, I would design a bike to make me breakfast. I would sit on the bike and turn the pedals, which would turn a chain which would turn gears which would be attached to robotic arms that would crack eggs and shake salt and pour milk and sautee spinach. All the while, I would be getting my morning exercise. Also, the bike would do all my work for the day, so that after breakfast, I could watch movies with Robbi for the rest of the day. Also, the bike would do all of Robbi’s work for the day.”
Then he also said: I forgot to add that the bike would look like an otter because wouldn’t it be cool to have an otter in my living room?
All I can say is that this Matthew fellow sounds like a real winner. It seems virtually impossible that anyone else could come up with anything quite this insightful, revolutionary, and hilarious. I’m wondering if I should send him his trophy now? I suppose I ought to look at just a few of the other entries first.
Harry said:
“My bike is an underwater quad bike that can turn into a kayak. It goes very slowly because it doesn’t want to break and the passengers would like to see Shamu and sharks. The Angry Birds are the passengers, and they say: “Come on. We want to play! This is fun!!” I put super Vaseline on the bike so that it’ll explode to pieces. And then I will put all the pieces together and make a fast plane out of it, and then it’ll explode to pieces again. And then I will put all the pieces together and some super Vaseline and make a jet, and then it’ll explode to pieces.”
Immediately, I see that Matthew’s invention, as great as it may be, is nothing compared to the magnificent creation of Harry. A bike that can turn into a kayak that can turn into a plane that can turn into a jet? Move over, sliced bread! Am I the only one who had never heard about the special explosive properties of Vaseline? I mean, I’ve occasionally put that stuff on my dry and cracked lips? I had no idea that doing so put them at risk of exploding and turning into a jet! Thank you, Harry, for this critical information!
Here is a picture of Harry with his bicycle invention:
Harvey said:
My bike is a stunt bike. It can do a lot of things. It has a clock to go back in time to see the dinosaurs. My bike can jump over 5 monster-sized buildings, 99 monster trucks, and one volcano all stacked up together. It also has wings that takes me to outer space.
Man, I need to get me a bike like Harvey’s. My bike basically carries me straight along the ground. It has no time travel properties. It cannot jump over even one monster-sized building, and (to be fair) cannot even jump over even one normal-sized building. If I’m being really honest, I’m not sure it could even jump over a blueberry muffin. Maybe if it were one of those mini-muffins you sometimes get in the breakfast buffet at Motel Six. Yes, I think I can say that with confidence.
Alden sent us two drawings:
The first is of the whole family biking to the park.
Strong work, Alden, not just with the drawings, which are excellent, but with the writing, which is clear and straight and proportional. Gone are the days in which your A’s were three times the size of your L’s, which leaned dangerously close to your D’s, which were always backwards and far too close to your E’s, which sometimes looked more like backwards G’s, which were often not followed by the N’s needed to conclude your name (on account of the fact that you had run out of paper). And now you can write all these names. You’re growing every day. Excuse me for a moment while I bask in a wave of crushing nostalgia and weep into my handkerchief.
Alden’s second is of Alden biking to Uncle Alex and Aunt Megan’s wedding. You can see all the people sitting in the stands to watch. I think she’s expecting them to get married in a baseball stadium or something.
What a timely drawing, as we are headed to Uncle Alex’s and Auntie Megan’s wedding TODAY. I am hoping that Alden’s smile will be just as broad and contented as it is in the drawing above on hours 5, 6, 7, and 8 of our upcoming eight-hour car ride. And during hours 3, 4, 2, and 1.
As for the baseball stadium, I think it’s entirely possible. Uncle Alex has a lot of friends. He is my brother, after all.
Here is Alden doing her second drawing.
Here is a drawing from Kato:
Here is Kato on his Chicco Red Bullet bicycle. He started out writing that on the bike but ran out of room, and then the letters just randomly went wherever he could find a spot.
I think Kato is on to something. When it comes to writing, far too much emphasis is placed on putting the letters in a deliberate order. Think of how much easier (and more fun) my job would be if I could just put them in any order I wanted and WHEREVER I wanted. I could put some on the bookshelf, some in in the fridge, some into that little gap beneath the oven and the floor. It’s amazing how much we can learn from kids. Good thing I have three of them. I might someday have a chance of being really wise.
And here is Kato modeling his drawing.
Ah, Instagram. If only our whole lives could be filtered thus. Oh wait! It’s called delusion. And I think it’s problematic.
Here is a drawing from August.
August does not know much about drawing bicycles but nevertheless believes he does.
Which makes August our resident expert on delusion. I asked him what he thinks of it, and he was surprisingly positive. Perhaps this is yet another piece of wisdom I stand to glean from my children?
Robbi tried to draw a couple of different bicycles.
She started with this one.
And then she colored it in.
But she wasn’t sure that she had drawn the best bicycle drawing that she could. And so she tried another.
In addition to featuring a bicycle, this illustration guest-starred a sloth.
Here’s the finished painting. You may currently bid for the right to own it over on Ebay.
Here it is, sitting on Robbi’s painting table.
I love seeing Robbi’s paintings next to her box of paints. I like to see where all the colors come from. Any shade that you can find in the painting shows up somewhere in those neat rows of colors. Robbi’s paints are from Japan. They are a special kind that you can’t buy in the United States—and can’t even buy online. Such is the majesty of these paints. Maybe you should plan a trip to Japan.
Here’s a drawing from Steve (The dad of Huck, who was named our castle expert a few weeks ago):
Steve wrote wrote: I love bikes. I think that the world would be a better place if everyone rode a bike more often. Especially sloths.
I also love overly complicated, silly solutions to non-problems. I.E. How to make a bike go without any effort at all for the rider? It is a silly dilemma that clearly exposes a severe lack of understanding of the questioner in all things important. Such a silly question deserves a silly answer: a motor bike!
To be fair, let it be known that Steve is a professional illustrator like Robbi.
Which is why his bike drawing is so excellent.
What is not accounted for in the above is his extraordinary sense of engineering. Why hadn’t someone thought of this previously. Put a MOTOR on a BIKE? It’s brilliant! Sorry, Steve, but I’m going to take your idea to my friends who know about motors, and together, we’re going to make a million bucks. Their names are Harley and Davidson and, for whatever reason, they wear leather pants. I’m leaving now.
Also, because Steve is a professional illustrator, he was able to use powerful image processing software to create an entirely different-looking version.
See how Steve’s already-awesome illustration becomes even more lovely and nostalgia-inducing due to the filters that make it appear well-used and worn? More delusion, I say. Of course this is not a “well-used” illustration because it represents an idea so stunningly new! As soon as I’m done inventing the motor bike, I think I might see if my friends Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper want to star in a movie about them.
And now, we’ve run out of submissions. Which means that now it is my pleasure to announce the Bobbledy Bicycle Expert…
Harry is the winner for his amazing invention, great photo, and stunning revelations on the power of Vaseline. But thanks to EVERYONE who sent us stuff this week. I can hardly wait to share next week’s theme with you. But, of course, I have to. But not for too much longer now.
It’s time for another round of hard-hitting literary analysis in which our little critics unleash their unvarnished opinions upon an unsuspecting picture book.
This week’s book is My Sister’s Rusty Bike by Jim Ayelsworth and illustrated by Richard Hull.
The basic premise is this. A boy rides his sister’s bike all over the country. And, yes, the bike is rusty. The fun comes in the description of the adventures and the creatures and people he meets along the way.
Last night, Robbi rounded up the kids for a read and review session.
To which, Kato replied: “I don’t want to do a book review!”
And yet, his mother, being most persuasive, prevailed, which brought us to the couch, where Kato’s ruffled brow tells you all you need to know about his state of mind.
As Robbi started reading the book, Alden was delighted. By the bike. By its rustiness. By the overall adventure.
Our protagonist pedaled from West Virginia to Indiana to Colorado. What’s not to like?
Kato protested by reading a different book entirely, a classic critic move that can only be fully appreciated in the context of an illustrated review.
At one point in the reading, we stopped to admire and comment on some Easter eggs, which pleased Alden.
The story was interesting. The rhymes were fun and compelling. As hard as he was trying not to pay attention, Kato eventually put down the other book and started pacing atop the couch, so that he could listen without seeming like he wanted to.
But then, when a guy named “Buddy Biggs” showed up in the story, Kato could not help but get involved.
“Why does he have ‘butt’ in his name?” Kato asked.
Robbi explained the subtle, yet critical, difference between “Buddy” and “Butty.”
Once Kato determined that his name was “Buddy” and not “Butty,” he decided to pace some more.
At one point in the reading, we stopped to admire and comment on various pigs.
When our hero rode into the town of “Toonerville,” Kato perked up again.
“TOOTerville?!” said Kato. “That’s ridiculous!”
Robbi explained the subtle, yet important difference between “toot” and “toon,” but this time Kato stayed with us.
And so he was on hand when we came to a part of the book in which a horse turns on a TV with his nose. This was delightful to the children, who demanded the opportunity to try it themselves.
First Alden took a crack at it.
And was successful!
Next it was Kato’s turn, and Kato, ever aware of his own limits (this time, vertical limits), brought over a chair to help him gain sufficient height to attempt the task.
First, Kato attempted the “straight on” technique that had been so successful for his sister.
Alas, his nose was quite not long enough. I will not show a photo of his disappointed face.
His father did a bit of exploratory nose pushing of his own and discovered that a sideways approach was more effective.
Kato tried it again.
And…success!
And how does one celebrate in such a moment?
By leaping directly across the book review environment, of course.
Literary critics do this sort of thing all the time.
But, of course, since no one is there to take their photo, their awesome moves go undocumented.
It’s a pity, really.
Kato’s great leap coincided with the end of the book. At which point, Robbi asked, “So, what do you think?”
Alden: TWO THUMBS UP!
Robbi: What did you like the best?
Alden: I like when the horse turned on the TV with his nose.
Robbi: What about you, Kato?
Kato: I dunno.
Robbi: What part did you like?
Kato: None.
R: What part did you not like?
Kato: None.
Frequent readers of Kidskel and Ebert will recognize a pattern on the part of this particular critic, who tends to withhold praise at this point of the review process even if obvious delight has resulted in the course of the actual reading.
R: Really, what part did you like?
Kato:
K: Ok, ok, ok. The pig dancing is my favorite.
Ultimately, true enjoyment cannot be suppressed, and the smile that accompanies it cannot be denied.
So while Kato’s official vote is one thumb up and one thumb down, I’m guessing that had there been less pacing, leaping, and reading of other books during the review of this one, the assessment might have been slightly more favorable.
But who am I to interpret the opinions of the critics?
Ultimately, it’s my job to put you in the best position to form your own.
If you’re interested in picking up your own copy of this book, here’s the link.
Hello again, everyone! Now that Spring has officially begun (as of Thursday) it’s seems like it should be time to put away the skis and snowshoes, the wool hats and mittens, and get ourselves outside to actually enjoy it.
And what better way is there to enjoy a nice spring day than on your BICYCLE? So welcome to this week’s Theme of the Week: BICYCLES! #bobbledybicycles
As a kid, I was actually never allowed to have a bicycle. It was in the days before helmets were readily available, and my dad thought they were too dangerous. So I learned to ride on my best friend Gunther’s bike, on a cul-de-sac on a hill with train tracks and weeds at the bottom to stop me. It was my favorite thing to do, and I’m afraid I often visited Gunther just to ride his bike. Sorry, Gun!
So, bicycles have been around for almost 200 years. The first bicycle was invented in Germany and called a Draisienne after its inventor, Baron von Drais, who invented it so he could walk around the royal gardens faster. If any of you have a balance bike, it basically worked the same way – two wheels with a seat between and no pedals, so you can coast along and run with your legs to get it moving. (If any of you don’t have a balance bike and don’t know how to ride a bike yet, I would say RUN OUT AND GET ONE NOW! They are the best, and came in at #2 on my Holiday Gift Guide list)
As you can see, it was also called a “Dandy Horse,” which I think was kind of an insult. Dandies were sort of the old-time version of hipsters. So a Dandy Horse was the kind of horse that a cool-guy-hipster (a dandy) would ride – which was not a horse at all, but a new-fangled invention with wheels. (Based on this definition, I don’t know what a dandeLION would be, though).
Pretty soon, someone figured out that bikes could go a lot faster if they had pedals on them, and the “velocipede” was born. “Velocipede” means “fast foot” (just like “velociraptor” means “fast raptor”). Once they figured the pedal part out, they came up with all different kinds of ideas for bike designs:
Back in the old days, there were a lot of bikes that had a huge front wheel on them. That’s because they used to put the pedals right on the center of the wheel, which meant the wheel had to be about twice as tall as the length of your leg. Once they figured out how to attach that loop of chain to the wheel and have the pedals attached to the chain, then the pedals could go anywhere, and the wheels didn’t need to be quite so big anymore.
Old time bikes were also called “Boneshakers” because the tires were hard and there were no springs on them, so when you rode on those old cobblestone streets, you would get all rattled around.
These days, bikes are quite sophisticated and can do much more than move from one place to another. Check out this video, which is aptly named “The Craziest Downhill Bike Course Ever”:
That ride would NOT have been possible on an old boneshaker!
And here’s another video I like that shows what it looks and feels like to ride a really REALLY GIGANTICALLY tall bike (FYI parents, there’s a tiny barely intelligible s-word at 3:11 when the guy almost gets clotheslined by a kite string):
This looked very scary to me, trying to balance on that very tall bike. But I watched another video about Tall Bike Bobby who explained that actually taller bikes are easier to balance. Surprise! Yes, you can listen to the whole fascinating TEDx talk HERE if you’d like.
It turns out there’s actually a very good and practical reason to LOVE bikes. Aside from being super fun to ride, they’re the most energy efficient vehicle ever made. Apparently, when you look at how many calories (that’s a measurement of energy) it takes to make a bike go one mile, it’s only 35, compared to a car, which takes 1,860 calories. That adds up pretty quickly! Riding bikes is SO energy-efficient – way better than gas or oil or coal or batteries or solar or etc etc etc. I actually have two very dear friends, Andy and Steve, who are spreading the idea that because they are so efficient, bikes should be used to power all kinds of things, from chopping wood to running your computer – check out their Kickstarter campaign HERE (goal already met, so this isn’t even a money grab, it’s just COOL!)
SO – if you could design any kind of bike to do anything, what would it look like and what would you have it do? Post your answers in the comments here, or if you want to draw a picture, post it on the Tuesday Drawing post or on Instagram using #bobbledybicycles.
And if you can, get outside this weekend and ride your bike! And be glad it’s not a Dandy Horse or a Boneshaker or a super tall bike or a giant-wheeled bike! Thank goodness for progress and invention! Hooray!
(Also, ps don’t forget you have till the end of today (Saturday, 3/22/14) to enter our first International Interwebs Welly Wanging competition! Winner gets a trophy, and first two runners-up get an archival print of ANY ILLUSTRATION OF MINE you want! I even souped up the trophy a little bit last night, with some Bobbledy donkeys!)
