Snakes Still Creep Me Out

Hi Everyone –
I had been hoping that my study of snakes this month would help me overcome my ophidiophobia. Alas, it has not. It has, in fact, made me realize JUST HOW CREEPY SNAKES REALLY ARE.

For example, snakes are carnivores. Carnivores are animals who eat meat. Now, I don’t have a problem with that—some people (myself included) eat meat. No no, that’s not the problem. The problem is that snakes eat meat by unhinging their jaw and swallowing their meat whole. It is the grossest.

If you find this sort of thing fascinating, please feel free to click play on the video below. If this is the stuff of nightmares (which it is for me) then I will give you a play-by-play description below. Hold onto your lunch:

AUUGHGGHGGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGGHGHGHHHHHHH!!!! If I were allowed to use swear words on this blog, you can be sure that this is where I would use them. For those of you who didn’t watch the video, basically it shows an African Egg Eating Snake taking an egg that is WAY bigger than its head, opening up its mouth, bigger, and BIGGER and BIGGER until that egg is unbelievably completely swallowed. After it closes its mouth, it’s basically got a giant egg-shaped lump in its throat.

Then (apparently) it takes these bony little bits that are attached to its spine (INSIDE HIS BODY) to crack the egg. Then it kind of hurks and squeezes all the insides of the egg out into its belly and SPITS THE EGGSHELL BACK OUT in a neat little squooshed barf.

AUGGGHGHGHGGHGGHGHGHGGHGHGGHGGHGHHH!!! So, so gross. I really, really admire those of you who can watch that and not have your skin just go all goosebumps and creepy crawly.

Now, for the record, it turns out that African Egg Eating Snakes are actually quite shy and nervous. They don’t eat anything other than eggs and are totally non-threatening to people. Only threatening to eggs. And yet – and YET! I’m pretty sure if I ever saw one out and about on my next trip to Africa, I would surely scream like a baby.

I like my snakes to eat their eggs neatly, in an egg cup, with a wooden spoon please.

If there’s anyone out there interested in drawing a snake, drawing an egg, drawing a snake eating an egg, or writing about my egg-eating snake, we’d love to hear it. Email it to us and we’ll post it on the blog, or post it on the Bobbledy Facebook page. And remember, one contributor every month gets a free book! (ps Simon, yes, we owe you a couple books now) (pps kids other than Simon, step up! Get your free book! The odds are in your favor!)